Life Partner
by OriginalPippie
Summary: Bam Margera is facing some personal problems and his friend and housemate, Brandon Novak, decides to help him figure things out.
1. Chapter 1

Life Partner

Chapter 1

Bam took another drink of his beer before setting it on the bathroom counter in front of him. He looked into the mirror and then turned his gaze away again, not wanting to actually see his reflection.

He sighed as he picked his beer up again and left the bathroom. Once he got downstairs he headed into the kitchen for a fresh beer and something to eat. He seemed to be drinking a little more these past few weeks since he and Jenn ended their relationship. Bam heated up some leftover cardboard pizza and sat at the table to eat it.

Novak must have been woken up by the smell of day old pizza, either that or by the sound of the bottle being opened, because a few seconds later he had joined Bam at the table with his own bottle of beer and microwave pizza.

The two of them sat silently next to each other for a few minutes. Novak looked over and began to study Bam.

"Jeeze, you seem depressed."

"No I'm just tired." Bam lied

"Oh, ok. Then you've been "tired" for a while now."

"What are you getting at, Novak?" He snapped half heartedly.

"Nothing! Jesus!"

Novak couldn't stand knowing that Bam was going around depressed. He wanted to somehow cheer him up, but wasn't sure how to go about doing it.

The more he saw him this way, and knowing that he was hurting even though he was trying to deny it, the more he felt bad for him. All he wanted was to see him happy again. There was no reason why he should be feeling this way.

Novak placed an arm around Bam's shoulders and gently rubbed his arm.

"You know, just because I'm a guy, doesn't mean you have to hide your feelings from me. You're my best friend, Bam, and I want you to know that you can talk to me."

"Ok… is this touchy-feely therapist thing over?"

He retracted his arm.

"Yeah ok I'm sorry. I'm only trying to cheer you up any way I know how."

"Thanks anyway, Novak."

"Hey Bam?"

"What?" Bam asked as he looked up at him  
Novak looked into Bam's eyes.

He didn't know what to say, or even what he was going to do, he just knew that he had to do something. He moved in closer to Bam, and before either of them realized it, their lips touched. Bam pulled away from Novak, staring at him with a mixture of emotions in his eyes.

"Why'd you kiss me?"

"I didn't mean anything by it."

Novak laughed.

"Like I said, I'm only trying to cheer you up any way I know how."

"How was that supposed to cheer me up?"

"I… I don't know. Maybe we could laugh about it later."

"Just leave me alone."

Bam stood up and headed upstairs to his bedroom. A few minutes later Bam sat on the edge of his bed crying.

"Why did he have to kiss me? Man I'm confused enough about myself as it is, I don't need him making it worse by kissing me! Does this mean that he's gay, am I gay? What? I wish I could figure this out."

He tried to wipe some tears off of his face as more fell.

"God what is wrong with me? Why can't I… why can't you at least help make things more clear for me? "

He asked while turning his eyes up toward the ceiling. He then turned his head down and covered his eyes with his hand.

There came a knock on the door and Bam lifted his head up toward it while wiping tears away.

"Go away Novak. You're the last person I need to see right now."

"Ok, sorry." Novak said softly before turning away from the door.

He paused in his spot and looked at the closed door once he heard Bam's soft whimpers from inside the room. Then he walked partway down the steps and then sat down.

"Oh God. I made him cry. This is bad… I didn't mean for this to happen. Now he's freaking out and it's all my fault. Why'd I have to kiss him? I'm such a fucking moron."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Bam came downstairs looking glum and walked over to his jukebox. He pressed the buttons to flip through the cd album covers, not really caring which one he stopped on. He let the music play at random and turned away from the jukebox.

It had been a couple hours since he went up to his room to cry and think, but he was more confused about everything than before.

He didn't know whether to talk to Novak about it, or let it be as it was. How would Novak even understand if i _he_ /i didn't even understand it all?

He walked over to the couch and collapsed onto it with a heavy sigh. Novak, who was already sitting on the couch, looked over at Bam, wanting to say something but not knowing whether to say it or not. He wasn't even sure what to say.

"Novak?" Bam asked, not moving even to look at his friend.

"Can I talk to you?"

"You can tell me anything you need to, Bam."

Bam sat up and drew his legs up to his chest.

"I… I don't even know where to begin. I uh… I have a problem with something and I… aw forget it."

"No go ahead, you can tell me. What's your problem?"

"I don't know, that's the thing."

"You lost me. You have a problem but you don't know what it is?"

"That's not it. I know what the problem is, I just… I'm confused."

"About what?"

"Me, my relationship with Jenn… just everything."

Novak adjusted his position so he would be closer to Bam.

"Well what exactly confuses you?"

"Novak I don't know what to tell you. I've tried explaining it all to Jenn but she couldn't understand what I was trying to say to her. Actually I didn't understand it myself, and I still don't. But this whole thing that I've been trying to figure out is what led us to break up this time, and I think that it might be for good."

He paused, thinking that he was about to cry some more.

But he fought bank any and all tears so he could finish what he was trying to say "I don't know what's going on with me, all I know is I've been like this for a long time. Most of the time, I guess I've been in denial over it, but lately I've been… I can't deny it any more."

"You don't know exactly what you were denying about yourself?"

"No I don't. I mean…"

He looked at Novak with wide, almost frightened, eyes.

"I don't know if I'm gay or not and that scares me."

"Oh… well I guess that kiss I gave you didn't help matters much."

"Why… why did you kiss me?"

He looked away and tried not to blush.

"I don't know. You were just ,looking like you was hurting and I wanted to do something to make you feel better. I guess I made things worse."

"You didn't really make things _worse_, you just scared me when you did it. If you wanted me to feel better, why in the hell did you have to fucking kiss me?"

"Bam I'm sorry. You're really vulnerable right now and I should have known better."

He paused and looked into Bam's eyes.

"I should have told you a long time ago, but I could never find the right moment. I'm bisexual… and I… I've kind of had a crush on you for a while."

Bam was stunned. He didn't know what to say or ever know how to move any more. This suddenly didn't seem like the same guy he had let move into his house.

The whole time that he had known him, he had no idea that he was keeping something from him. Bam looked away from him, feeling the tears about to fall from his eyes.

"Why did you have to say that? Why couldn't you have just lied to me?"

Bam turned away from Novak and covered his eyes with his hands. Novak dropped his lit cigarette into the ashtray on the table and then he turned to Bam and placed a hand on his back.

"Bam, hey listen. I think I know exactly what you're going through, right now. See I was in a similar situation that you're in before I realized that I was bisexual."

"Yeah? And what did you do?" He asked half sarcastically through his hands

"Do you… I mean the more you think about it, trying to make sense of it all, do you wind up getting even more confused?" Bam nodded his head.

"And it just gets you upset, doesn't it?"

Bam turned his head and gave him a tear-filled "Are you kidding me?" look.

"Ok I think that's the problem. That's the same problem I had. Trust me, you just need to relax and not worrying about it so much."

"_That's _your advice?"

"That's part of it. See another thing that helped me was when I decided to… to experiment with it."

"Experiment?" He asked with a disgusted tone.

"You mean for me to just go out and find some guy.."

"Whoa, whoa… no Bam. I don't mean that you have to go out and fuck the first guy you see."

"Well what do I do? It's not like I ever picked up a guy before. I never even i _thought /i _about doing that. Oh God… it feels like this is happening so fast."

"I know I know. But this could really help you not be confused any more. You just have to be willing to try. I'm telling you, man, this really helped me."

"But I'm not you."

"Yes I know, but like I said before, I was in a similar situation. But I wasn't afraid to try."

"Novak I don't know. This whole thing is terrifying."

"Ok well answer this question for me. What part scares you the most? Trying to figure it all out, or finally finding out the truth?"

Bam then turned his head down and looked at the floor. He didn't expect to be asked that question, so he didn't really think about it until that moment. Novak patted Bam's back soothingly.

"This might sound crazy, but if you feel better about it, I can help you out. It might be easier if you were with someone you all ready know, rather than going out and meeting some one new."

Bam looked up at him and took a little bit of time before he answered. He nodded his head slowly.

"Ok… I'll give it a try, only because I don't want to be upset over this any more. I've done too much crying, and most of it was during this conversation." He wiped his tears away.

"I just hope that you're right about this helping me."

"Trust me Bam, it will."

"You… you just better not give me anything." He added while trying to force a smile

"I can't guarantee anything."


	3. Chapter 3

  
Chapter 3

He turned over in his bed for the third time in a row within the past five minutes. His blanket he had pushed down off of him and pulled up around him repeatedly, but he still could not get comfortable enough to sleep.

The conversation he had with Novak earlier that day was haunting him. His eyes opened and he frowned to himself before sitting up. Maybe Novak was right; maybe he would feel better if he "experimented" as Novak so kindly put it.

Bam didn't want to think about it, bit it was all he _could _think about.

He looked over to the vacant spot in his bed and realized that, that was another thing that was keeping him up these past nights.

As long as he could remember, he felt the need to have someone or something in bed next to him whenever he had something on his mind when he was trying to sleep; the feeling of wrapping his arms around something beside him, or having that something around him, always helped him to relax better.

Even the fact of knowing that something or someone was there beside him made him feel better. Now he was trying to sleep and his comfort was missing.

Bam placed his feet on the floor and gazed into the darkness of his lonely bedroom. He didn't want it to come to this, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to get any sleep any way if he didn't do it. He held his breath for a few seconds and let it out fast.

Making his way down the dark hallway, he slowly walked up to one of the other bedrooms. He nervously held his loose fist up to the door to knock and then lowered it again.

Closing his eyes he then held his hand on the doorknob. He turned the knob and cracked the door open, peeking inside the room. It was dark in the room but he was still able to see the sleeping form on the bed.

"N…Novak?" He whispered.

"Novak?"

Novak stirred in his bed and then sat up. He yawned and scratched his head as he drowsily looked toward the door.

"Is that you Bam?"

Bam stepped into the room and clasped his hands together in front of him while looking down at his feet.

"Yeah I uh… I…"

"You couldn't sleep?"

"Not at all. This is going to sound ridiculous but um… could you… do you think that maybe I could…"

"Come here." He answered with a chuckle in his voice

Novak pulled back the blanket and waited for Bam to join him. Bam slowly walked over to the bed. He felt like he was a little kid again, wanting to get in bed with his parents after having a bad dream. He was a little embarrassed but he needed the comfort at the same time.

"It's ok Bam, I won't hurt you."

"I know, I just… I never thought that I'd be doing this."

"You don't have to you know."

Bam took a couple more steps forward and then sat on the bed. He brought his legs up and curled up onto the bed next to Novak. Novak neatly laid the blanket over top of Bam and closed his eyes. Bam closed his eyes and sighed.

"Novak?"

"Yeah?"

"This is weird, but thanks for letting me do this."

"It's ok." He yawned

"Hey Novak?" Bam asked after a minute of silence

"What?"

"Could… could you maybe hold me or something?"

"What? Why?" he was a little taken aback by Bam's question

"It'll help me to fall asleep."

"Ok. If it will help you sleep."

He placed his arm over Bam and waited until he fell asleep. After a couple minutes, he felt Bam's chest rise and fall and heard the slight sounds of Bam's peaceful slumber. This brought a content grin to his lips as he was able to go back to sleep with his arm still around Bam.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The window had been left open all night and the air had suddenly become very cold, causing him to shiver.

He brought a hand up to his eyes and rubbed the sleep out of them before reaching for the blanket to burrow beneath it. Something tugged at the blanket from the other side, so he tugged back.

"Jenn I need the blanket, I'm freezing." He grumbled

A hand reached over and pushed Bam in the side firmly

"Jenn cut it out and please let me sleep."

"Bam! Move over, you're causing my arm to fall asleep." He nudged Bam off of him.

"And stop calling me Jenn."

"Oh sorry Novak I'm not awake yet." His eyes popped open and he jolted up in bed.

"Novak!"

"Just chill out Bam! It's not like we did any thing."

Bam calmed his breathing and placed a hand to his chest

"Oh yeah… sorry I forgot that I slept here last night."

"It's no problem. Just as long as you don't make a habit out of it." i _'Unless you want to.'_ /i

"Don't worry, I wasn't planning on it."

Novak chuckled with a grin as he crawled out of bed.

"Well I gotta take a leak. You can stay in here if you want, or whatever."

"Thanks, but I was only in bed with you to sleep, and now I'm awake."

He placed his feet on the floor and stood up.

"I really appreciate you letting me do this."

"Don't mention it, buddy." He turned and left the room, leaving Bam standing in the room alone.

Much of the morning and some of the afternoon had gone by and the two housemates had started their day to their best abilities. Neither of them spoke to each other about the events of the day before, or even the way that the two of them had spent their night.

It seemed a little awkward for Bam whenever he was near Novak. Every time he saw him he got a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach; the kind of feeling he would get whenever he was keeping something from someone, only they both knew this secret.

Hearing the water from the shower turn off, Bam knocked on the bathroom door.

"Do you think I could come in for a minute?"

The door opened a few seconds later and Novak let Bam in. He held the towel that was loosely wrapped around his waist with one hand.

"Sorry, I had to cover up first."

Bam raised an eyebrow.

"Since when is Nudie Novak concerned about covering himself up? Besides it's not like I would be able to see anything if you didn't have the towel."

The two of them both turned toward the mirror. Novak reached for his comb at the same time that Bam was about to pick up his electric razor. (Both objects rested right next to each other on the counter top) Their hands grazed each other and they pulled away.

"Sorry, just need my razor and then I'll leave. I can go to the other bathroom." Bam said, trying not to blush

"No it's ok I don't mind you being in here."

Novak looked up, catching Bam's eyes. He grinned softly as he noticed a glint of what appeared to be shyness in the pools of blue. He ran the comb through his wet hair and looked away from Bam.

He began to watch Bam in the mirror as Bam turned the razor on and brought it up to his face. He couldn't help but notice Bam's expressions on his face and in his eyes change as if he were trying to concentrate on his many thoughts.

He thought that Bam looked cute with the look of almost uncertainty that befell his face, and wondered if Bam noticed him staring at him.

He put his comb back down on the counter and turned away. Before leaving Bam alone in the bathroom, he held his hand out and gave Bam's butt a pat on the cheek.

Bam nearly dropped the razor into the sink once he felt it, but managed to compose himself. He turned to face Novak in order to ask him why he had done that, but Novak was all ready gone.

The corner of his mouth turned up into a half smile before he looked back into the mirror. He brought a hand up to his face and lifted his chin up to see if he missed some spots while he was shaving.

Suddenly as he looked at himself he felt something that he hadn't felt in a while. It was a strange feeling that started out in his stomach and then caused his nerves to tingle.

He couldn't believe that he was starting to feel this way, and thought that maybe it was just his imagination, but still he couldn't help but smile to himself.

He looked toward the open door and gazed out, almost hoping that he would see Novak walk by. His heart began to beat faster as he started remembering the night before and his smile grew a little more.

He remembered how good it felt to be sharing a bed with someone again, and to have someone hold them until he fell asleep, and it made him feel good knowing that the person who was sleeping next to him was one of his good friends.

He had always felt a closer connection with Novak than his other friends, but now since he had been going through this thing with Jenn and the aftermath of their breakup, and everything that he confided in with him, he thought that he could trust him with anything. But with the past day he sensed a closer bond to his live-in friend.

Bam shook himself out of his thoughts and then walked out of the bathroom. He didn't know what he was about to do, but he knew that he had to find Novak. He looked into the rooms and sighed quietly in disappointment to himself once he saw that Novak wasn't in either of those rooms.

"Bam, you looking for me?" Asked Novak from inside his room

"Um… yeah… sort of."

"Well looks like you found me. What do you want?"

"I uh…" he felt just like he did when he was asking if he could sleep there with him.

He was so nervous and embarrassed, and hoped that it wasn't showing too much.

"I… I just wanted to see what you were doing today."

"Well I have no money so I can't do anything today. So it looks like I'm staying in. Unless of course you wanted to go out somewhere."

"No, no I'd rather stay in actually."

"Fine by me."

He looked at Bam and mentally wrapped his arms around him just to see his face light up.

"So… anything else you wanted while you were in here?"

"Um…"

He lowered his eyes for a second as he tried to think about what to do. He then brought his hand behind his head and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I just… I want to show you just how much I appreciate you being around to help me through this whole thing. I don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for you. And I…"

He looked at him again and finally noticed just how good looking he was. He just wanted to reach out and hold the sides of his face in his hands and just stare into his eyes.

He didn't know what had come over him, but he liked this new feeling. Bam stepped forward and placed a hand on Novak's arm and smiled.

"You're… you're a good friend."

"Thanks. I do what I can."

Novak placed his hand behind Bam's back and brought him closer. He then licked his lips and leaned in so he could touch Bam's lips with his own. Once they stepped apart from each other Bam looked at Novak with a sparkle in his eyes.

"W… why did you do that for?"

"I could tell you were wanting to kiss me, and I knew that you were going to chicken out. So I took charge."

"Oh. I…" Bam turned his eyes away and wanted to do something but couldn't bring himself to actually do it.

"It's ok Bam." He patted him on the arm.

"Just take your time."

"Thanks."

Bam took hold of Novak's shoulders, bringing him in for a hug. He began to move his head so it could rest behind Novak's head, but stopped once he was nose to nose with him.

He clasped his hands together behind Novak's shoulders and placed his lips on his, only this kiss was a little longer than the one he had received. Novak placed his hands on Bam's hips and swayed him slightly as they kissed.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Bam tilted his head down and let his arms, that were still around Novak's neck, fall down to his sides. The smile that was upon his lips fizzled away into a scared, unsure, pout.

"Bam what's wrong?"

"I… I can't do this."

"What? Why?"

Bam backed away from him, gazing at him with nervous eyes. He appeared like a timid little boy standing before a stranger.

"I… I just can't. I don't think this is helping me."

"Bam you're not giving it any time."

"Novak what if… what if…"

He had so many questions that he didn't know which one to ask first.

"What if, what? What are you afraid of? Bam just stop worrying about everything, and just relax."

"Ok. Ok I'm sorry." He sat down at the foot of the bed

Novak turned to Bam and sat down next to him on the bed. He placed an arm around his middle and softly stroked the side of Bam's arm. Bam looked at him before turning his head down and leaning it on his shoulder.

"Why does this seem so hard?"

Novak ignored Bam's question and kissed him on top of the head. He then placed his hand under Bam's chin, lifting it gently so Bam would be looking at him. He leaned in closer and placed his lips on Bam's.

Bam closed his eyes and reached up with his hand, placing it on the side of Novak's face. The kiss grew more intense and Novak's hands began to wander a little.

He slowly slid one hand up Bam's leg, and just before it reached Bam's inner thigh, Bam quickly slapped it away. Bam pulled away from Novak and looked at him half appalled.

"What are you doing!"

Novak held his hands up in front of him and backed away from Bam.

"Sorry! I was getting carried away."

"Well… don't… please don't touch me like that."

"I can kiss you but I can't touch you?"

He looked at Bam, seeing that he still looked scared in his eyes.

"Ok… ok Bam. We'll take this real slow. As slow as you need to take this."

"You… you're willing to do that for me?"

"Well of course. I'm trying to help you out. Besides, you mean much more to me than any one I've ever slept with."

"Are you serious?" He asked, almost letting a slight smile escape

"Yeah. But not just because you're my best friend and not just because I have had a crush on you."

He ran his thumb over Bam's cheek.

"Because I really care about you and if we get to the point of doing anything beyond kissing, I want it to be special. You're the only one that I ever felt this way for."

"I… I don't know what to say… all this time I had no idea that you felt this way about me."

"Well now you do." He moved forward and kissed Bam

Bam held his head down and smiled. The feeling he experienced before he had entered the room had returned, and he was welcoming it. This time he knew that it wasn't his imagination.

This time the feeling didn't seem weird or make him nervous as it did when he first felt it. He looked up at Novak and finally realized that he was more than just a friend trying to help him sort himself out. Bam reached out and wrapped his arms around him, bringing him in tight. He then out his lips on Novak's for a slow, tender kiss.

He admitted, then, in his mind that the other kisses he shared with him were because he felt like he had to kiss him. This kiss was the first real one that he wanted to give him, so he put all of his feeling into it, a thing he had not done since he was with Jenn.

Now as he was kissing him, he felt comfortable, and it felt right. It felt more right to him than anything else in his life. Everything since his breakup with Jenn was finally making sense to him, and he felt that he finally could be happy again.

They pulled slightly apart and nuzzled each other. Both of them had a broad smile spread across their faces. Bam loosened his grip a little and held his head down. This time he held his head down because he didn't want to look into Novak's eyes.

He knew that if he looked into his eyes right then, he would get carried away. He wanted to keep control of himself because it was way too soon for them to be headed in that direction. He was just happy enough knowing that he actually wanted it with him.

"Wow." Bam said, a little softly

"That good of a kiss, huh?"

"No… well yes… but …"  
"But what?"

"That was… I just realized that I'm kissing you, and… and I really like it. I never thought that I'd say that about Brandon Novak."

He laughed

"Hey! What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing!"

He laughed a little harder.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just…"

"No it's ok. I know what you mean."

"So,"

He looked up and pressed his nose against Novak's.

"I guess we can't go back to being just friends after this."

"No I guess not. To be honest I really don't want to."

The two of them kissed again and sat there for a while, just holding onto each other.


End file.
